25 Things to Do as a Single Millennial Woman on Valentine’s Day (that don’t involve Bubble Baths)

However you feel about this holiday, you cannot deny that for many people, it is a big deal. Whether you are a woman that desires or partner, or one that doesn’t, being bombarded with constant “how we met” stories and coordinated photoshoots up and down your feeds will either make you feel terrible, or question your decision to remain single. As a single woman over thirty, I know the feeling of being left out, of the self-pity “why not me’s” that inevitably follow Valentine’s Day. But I made a decision years ago that allowing this day to dictate how I feel about myself is not an option.

Below, I’ve compiled a list of things that I do or have done to get me over this “love hump.” I’ve tried to steer away from the usual “self care” suggestions (although those are very valid) because my goal is always to add something new to the conversation. And might I add, these suggestions work 24/7, 365. Sometimes, the benchmark of holidays just gives us the impetus to do what we should be doing all year ‘round.

1) Consciously, work on being happy for other people.

It is tempting to scroll up and down timelines and see people doing the most while convincing yourself you are the least because love is still leaving you out. Part of maturity is recognizing that you should never lessen your value by trying on someone else’s blessing. Your blessing is custom couture; it is made to fit every curve and crevice of your body. Work (because it is work) on being happy for others. That outfit may look good on them, but yours is coming.

2)   Build your life around the future you want.

Make plans for the partner you will have and the family you desire (whatever that looks like for you). I’m not talking about mainstream manifesting; I mean do the work. Research how to get your credit together and lesson your debt in preparation for large purchases, learn about investing in SOLID stock, and weigh your options for other speculative endeavors, start a savings account for college funds and delve into your spending habits, making changes as you need to.

3)  Clean out your closet.

Only keep items that make you feel happy and make you feel and look your absolute best.

4)   What to do with all of those clothes? Donate.

How about donating to a woman’s shelter? Or better yet, go buy some items that these shelters truly need and donate them to your local shelter. I can guarantee you that realizing some women could care less about Valentine’s Day because they are just trying to survive will change your whole perspective on what you don’t have.

5)   Consider getting rid of items that were gifts from ex-partners.

I know this may be hard, especially if the gift is expensive, but Soul Ties can extend to objects as well. Sometimes, holding on to those sentimental things, no matter how beautiful, can tie us to people that no longer serve our higher good. You can give them away or sell them online to get a few bucks to buy something nice for yourself.

6)   Work on honing your personal style.

Taking stock of the clothing you have left, begin to look for patterns in the clothing you love. Are you obsessed with structured blazers? Have an addiction to fedoras? Maybe you realize that your closet is the land of the swing skirt. Understanding your personal style will make it much easier to make smarter purchases for things you know you will truly love. (And much easier to drop hints of what you want from your future partner 😉.)

7)  If you are concerned about having children at an older age, schedule an appointment with a fertility clinic.

If you are concerned about having children at an older age, schedule an appointment with a fertility clinic. Ask questions and weigh options about freezing your eggs, fertility treatments, your odds of conceiving, and anything else you way want to know. It’s 2021. Science has advanced giving women so many more options for contraception at older ages. Just because you aren’t married by 35, doesn’t mean you have no options! And don’t forget about adoption!

8)  Learn to cook a new and impressive dish.

Get excited about using new ingredients to spice things up. Share it with someone you love or eat it all yourself! Food is a very sensual experience. It is ok to enjoy that alone. (And there’s no one to judge you for getting seconds…thirds…fourths.)

9)   Take an intentional walk.

No, this is not for exercise; this is a leisurely walk without music or sweating. You are walking with the intention of observing nature and listening to what it and spirit has to tell you. You may see signs and symbols that have deep meaning for you, notice something you’ve never seen before, or at the very least, remind yourself that everything is seasonal, even singleness.

10)   Speaking of moving, go workout!

You deserve to be the best version of you that you can. Remind yourself that loving yourself is a verb. Move!

11)   If running on a treadmill isn’t your thing, move in a different, more sensual way.

Learn something as spicy as salsa dancing. Take a heels class right in your living room alone or with a friend, or learn to pole dance. Find joy in being sexy for YOURSELF.

12)   Write a love letter to yourself.

Acknowledge all that is beautiful, sexy, mysterious, fun, innovative, and special about the gift of you. Put it away and take it out as a reminder on days when you feel lost or down.  

13)   Write a love letter to your future partner.

Let them know all that you admire about them and how thankful you are for them. In doing this, you are manifesting the partner you want. Keep it until the time that you find them, and then take it out again and remind yourself how powerful your thoughts are. You may even want to give it to them and explain why they are so special to you.

14)   Learn something new!

With free sites like Google, Youtube, or even something like Skillshare, empowering yourself means expanding your knowledge. Take a painting class and learn to paint a beautiful canvas you can display in your home. Take a course of learning to grow your own herb garden. Learn how to take better photos. Buy a book on fine wines and buy a few to determine what you like. You are so much more than your partner. And learning new things will only make you a better partner when it’s your time to be one.

15)   Go to Sephora or Ulta and go crazy.

Treat yourself to some new makeup so that you can practice that cut crease you’ve always wanted to learn or invest in new skincare and give yourself a spa-worthy facial. Work on your glow, girl. Then, post it on your social media and let us admire your hard work!

16)   Write a love letter to someone who needs it.

Think of a young lady you know that could use some encouragement or a Valentine’s Day surprise. Give her a special gift or treat her to a spa day with you. Encourage her. Gas her up! Let her know that no matter what society says, she is beautiful and VALUABLE! So many girls, especially Black girls, are suffering with low self-esteem and lack of worth. Let’s change the narrative; our girls DESERVE beauty and love.

17)   Read your favorite comfort novel or watch your favorite comfort movie…

… one where you know all of the lines and the best quotations. Or, bingewatch your favorite series. Re-watch girlfriends and realize how toxic Toni really was. (Yeah, I said it). Laugh and cry at all the predictable places.

18) Read a new book or watch something new.

There are so many beautiful books to read and brand-new classics to discover. And with Hulu, Netflix, Magellan, Masterpiece Theatre, Peacock, HBO and Showtime, you have more than enough options. Don’t forget the hot chocolate, popcorn, or your favorite treat.

19)   Find your signature fragrance.

If you’re anything like me, perfume is a new field. I have three, all of which were gifts, but I have yet to find my signature scent. Go to a store and test out options. Do some research about scents and how they are layered. Are you a floral queen? Or do you prefer more earthy and rich scents? Have fun figuring it out!

20)   Take a spiritual bath.

(Ok, I know I said no bubble baths but this is different). A spiritual bath is not solely for pleasure, although you should certainly take pleasure in it. A spiritual bath is a cleansing bath aimed at cleansing the soul, the chakras, the mind, and healing the spirit.  These baths are NOT for the purpose of physically cleansing the body; take a shower prior to the spiritual bath to do that. There is no set way to do this, but most commonly used ingredients are sea salt, Florida Water, and a mix of herbs, incense, and flowers that symbolize what you need. These baths should be focused on your specific intentions. For example, if you want to find a partner, visualize the feeling that a healthy, thriving relationship would give to you. Leave the phone somewhere else and either set your intentions in silence, or with peaceful sounds/music. This experience can be as sensual, spiritual, and special as you make it.

21)   Do some mirrorwork.

Examine yourself, unclothed, in a full-length mirror. Marvel at the magnificence that is your God-given body. Talk to her. Encourage her. Be thankful for the body you have and sit with all of the things you wish you could change. Ask yourself this: would those changes change who you are? Recognize that your power comes from within, and your body is simply a building to house it. Learn to love EVERY part of you before someone else will.

22)   Step up your sleep game.

Sure, we all have those old t-shirts and worn-out bonnets we have literally worn out, but start investing in pretty pajama sets in sensual fabrics like silk or satin. Purchase beautiful robes and lovely slippers to kick around the house in. I’ve always loved old movies where the starlets lounged around in dressing gowns with their hair tied up. There’s something sexy about looking put together, even when you sleep or relax.

23)   Get rid of underwear that you should have thrown away long ago.

Take the time to cleanse your underwear drawer and up your lingerie game. I’m a firm believer that beautiful lingerie is for YOU, not your partner. But it never hurts to know that one day they will benefit from your collection.

24) Fill your home with flowers.

Try to make a habit to buy yourself flowers often. If anybody is going to give you your flowers, it should be you first! And research flowers and their symbols. Choose the combinations that embody what you want and what is important to you.

25)   Give lots of love and gifts to family and friends.

Remember, there are 8 kinds of love and Eros is only one of them. Your family and friends are a support system and they deserve your love as well. Tell them you love them, write them a letter, or give them a special token of your love. Love enriches our lives in so many ways; make sure you recognize all the ways that love has shaped who you are.

The beautiful thing about Valentine’s Day is that it is what you make it. Make the decision to do things emblematic of the life you want and the love you chose. Cheers, Beautiful! Happy Day of Love!